What I did this summer: The cruise ship experience, New York, Montreal, and Vipassana
The cruise to St John and Halifax was the first time I've been east of Quebec City, but because I took the seafaring route from New York, I was totally dissociated from any feeling of being east of Quebec. It was like I was a space alien and my interstellar travel pod had crash landed in Sleepytown, Canada. Twice.

In St John, I went to a place called the Reversing Falls, though it should more accurately be called the Reversing River. At regular intervals in the day, the world's highest tides in the Bay of Fundy push the water in the St John River upstream. But I didn't have the patience to wait around and watch the river reverse direction, so I went to the market and read my e-mail on an open wireless connection.

In Halifax, I toured the Alexander Keith's brewery and sampled an amber beer and a honey brown that they don't export out of the province. Then I wandered around downtown Halifax. I ended up climbing a hill and finding myself inside a stone fortress called The Citadel. It has cannons pointing into Halifax Harbour—for the defence of Canada!

Oh my god, I met the sweetest girl. Her name is Toffler (yes, as in Alvin Toffler), she just graduated from university, and I think she has an Asian man fetish. Case in point: She moved to Shanghai this month, and ALL the white people I know who move to China are only there to get laid. Anyway, I tried to convince her to conceal herself inside a shipping container and make her way to Toronto... but she wouldn't do it.

After the cruise, I spent two days wandering around New York City. Most memorable were the afternoon I spent inside the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the evening wandering around the Lower East Side in a torrential downpour. I was soaked, but it was a warm rain, and I didn't catch pneumonia like my mother said I would.

I went to Montreal during the Canada Day weekend for a top-secret mission with a couple of friends. I stayed with notofthisworld, who took me to a gay dance club, a leather bar, a bear bar, a gay karaoke bar, and a 24-hour poutine shop. I ate the "Poutine T-Rex," which was a monstrous dish topped with bacon, sausage and ground beef as well as the customary gravy and cheese curds. And I didn't get my ass grabbed once! Should that be a blow to my self-esteem?

I also went to the Montreal International Jazz Festival a few times, spent an afternoon with xopods and his friend, saw the Brian Jungen exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary Art, and rode a Segway inside a warehouse.

Next month, I'm going to a Vipassana meditation retreat near Barrie. I know several people who have been to the retreat before, and they all say it's an amazing experience. I'm going to spend ten days completely cut off from the outside world, eating vegetarian food and meditating for nearly all of my waking hours.

I've heard that, partway through the retreat, some of the students won't be able to continue facing the naked revelation of their own innermost thoughts. When that happens, the women will go to their teacher in tears, while the men will just slip away quietly in the night.